Who is the Bruno of your family?
Have you seen Disney’s new movie, “Encanto''? I’ve seen it about five times so far. I love it! It has a message that we don’t talk about openly - toxic families and the black sheep in each family.
Really, this movie has many people talking and I’ve seen many reels and videos regarding Bruno.
Yes, Bruno.
You see, we all have Bruno in our families. If you think about it, Bruno is anyone who has spoken up or called someone out for something they shouldn’t be doing.
Bruno is anyone who calls out an issue or gives a warning about something they foresee coming. Bruno is the person who tells their boss to do something about a toxic work environment. He is the family member who tells everyone they should do something about the uncle or cousin who keeps putting themselves in situations that hurt the entire family.
When Bruno speaks up it’s because he sees everything going on with a clear vision. He doesn’t allow his relationship ties to block what’s going on.
And the thing is that when Bruno tries to warn everyone, he’s criticized. He’s told he’s being too harsh, that he needs to mind his own business, that he’s not loyal to the family or his friends, and that he’s absurd, biased, or just doesn’t like the people he’s calling out. He’s even accused of causing the issue.
So, in the end, Bruno is labeled the bad guy by the people he is trying to protect. He’s the black sheep in the family and it takes a huge event to open everyone’s eyes, although, the stigma as a black sheep may never completely disappear.
Why?
Because people prefer to blame the person who puts everything out on the table than to accept reality. The truth is too much for them, and denying the problem makes them feel safer.
According to Psychology Today, DENIAL is a concept created by Sigmund Freud’s (the “father of psychology) daughter as a “coping mechanism in which an individual refuses to recognize or acknowledge objective facts or experiences. It’s an unconscious process that serves to protect the person from discomfort or anxiety.
I want you to pay attention to a word mentioned in the description of DENIAL. The word UNCONSCIOUS is important to understand.
Why?
Because the unconscious is a deeper part of our thinking that is a bit harder to be aware of. For example, when riding a bike, our motor movement is automatic, but the steering better is highly conscious! It requires us to be more conscious of our movements.
(Click photo to expand)
So, now, the question is, how do we change this?
Well, we change this dynamic by…
- being intentional about being more conscious about what we know.
- not allowing the people in our close circle (family and friends) to get away with violating boundaries.
- upholding our family core values and standards without any exceptions!
- supporting those who are asking for help, not by looking the other way, but by truly helping them stop actions that hurt them or others
- not immediately refusing to accept the Brunos in your life when they’re warning us about something.
Overall, we need to be understanding and keep our eyes open because when the Brunos in our lives are ignored we can end up getting hurt and even becoming part of the problem.
And one more thing. I believe that we all have been the Bruno in our families. If you are in that situation right now, I want you to know that I can understand what you’re going through and that you will be ok.
Much love,
Dali
